Erm ... no, not really. While I do not dispute the wisdom of Mark Twain, I can most certainly confirm that there are quite a number of other certainties in life and in fact, what I want to do today is to add on to this thought of Mr Twain with a few ideas of my own.
Blame the traffic while driving through the floods this evening which gave me ample time to think this out, or just blame yourself for reading through :). Soooo... here we go!
10. In the 24 hours following the washing of your car, the country floods. Very often, the country floods as a result of a South Eastern Saharan Desert Storm that turns your car in a sticky mess of brownish goo. Sometimes, it is a clean Northern storm of apocalyptic proportions, which leads you to drive in flooded roads, turning your car in a ... sticky mess of brownish goo.
9. In a four lane road with one pothole, you will drive the front right wheel in it. This in turn will cause you
a. a punctured wheel in the middle of a flooded road
b. a punctured wheel which you will discover the following morning when you're already 10 minutes late for work and getting ready to meet your boss for a meeting "l-ewwel haga filghodu"
c. no punctured wheel, but screwed suspensions
7. If you're having a bad day, and you slam the kitchen cupboard, the door will open again, and the largest, heaviest can will fall out ... and land on your big toe. Try it. It never fails.
6. The more beautiful the shoe, the greater is the atrocious, agonising, morphine addicting inducing pain it causes. Don't bother with "party feet"; all they do with their cushion of air is push your foot higher and squash it tighter in the sandal strings. That means that the rest of the night will progress in agony both in the sole and in the toe area. Of course, the fact that you actually paid money for those shoes means that you deserve to stand in a corner screaming and bawling your eyes out. I will be there. Pointing. And grinning.
5. If you are a female driver, the more males there are watching you park, the more impossible it gets. You will turn into a female cliche. And then you will blog about it.
4. The size of your wardrobe is inversely proportional to the hotness of your date. You.Have.Nothing.To.Wear. Get over it, it's true.
3. On a related note, the hotter your date, the uglier you are. It's another fact that cannot be denied. As your date sparkles away with his blinding smile, shiny hair and flawless five o'clock shadow, the spot on your chin which decided to make its first appearance since puberty, the baby hair that has frizzed away since you were ... a baby, and that silly fringe that just won't stay in place will accompany you through your date which the commitment that your date will, rest assured, never even consider.
2. Don't despair however, and be happy, because another certainty in life is that your current boyfriend/crush/date will find The One after meeting you. In fact, it is an undeniable fact that the next girlfriend of your current boyfriend is that one that he will marry. So really, with your presence, you have paved the way for long-term happiness for this piece of genetic hotness that is currently sitting in front of you. Rejoice!
1. Final life certainty, and related to point 2: your current boyfriend will get over all his commitment issues, fear of falling in love, dislike of children, and reluctance to get a mortgage the MINUTE HE DUMPS YOU. So whenever that happens, give him a hug and wish him all the best, because you know that his problems in life are over!
Before I'm accused of excessive cynicism and grouchiness, let me just remind you that whatever I say has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Sarcasm is after all, an art which requires loads of commitment, and regular encouragement :).
hugs!
Gracie :)
loved it
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